This is a re-post from my hilarious friend's, Sue Morris, blog site. Her interview questions are very creative, and, sometimes, a bit unusual. If you have read my books, this character interview should get you chuckling.
Kid lit Reviews would like to welcome
some of the cast of characters from The Adventures of Pen Pieyu, Book 2: Sir
Princess Petra’s Talent. They rode onto the studio set and demanded, uh requested, an
interview–a long
interview–and we are more than peeved, uh pleased, to
bring that to you now. **before Snarls burns down the set**
Snarls the Dragon, I heard, from a reliable source, you were not going to
be in book 2. How did you change the author’s mind?
Where do you
people get your information? That’s not true! You are celebrity hounding! I was
always and will always and forever and ever be in that
humiliating-me-by-making-me-wear-a-pink-tasseled-saddle writer’s books!
**snort** . . . oops . . . **fire & smoke**. . . errrrr . . . .
ouch!
“Writer’s” books. Do you not know the name of your writer
and best friend?
Yah, I know her name. “Diane The
Embarrasser.”
Folks have been calling her “Diane the
Embarrassed!” *hehe*
~~~~
Sir Princess Petra, what would have been your steed had Snarls not been in
book 2?
Well, the royal mule, Heinz Backfire,
is quite fuzzy and cute, and he’s not even very mulely-like—he listens. Well, he
is a little stinky, and a bit short, but he’s not a fire hazard, you know what I
mean?. . . hmm . . . I might have picked him.
Snarls, any
response to this?
What?? (crossing arms, looking the
other way) NO!!! YES!! Heinzy Backfire does nothing but backfire air out his
rear end. What kind of steed does that? Sheesh!
Uh, one that does not blow fire out of
its nose?!
~~~~
Princess Petra, do you have any
nicknames by other kids, maybe something like, perhaps, “PP?”
You’re funny. Why would anybody call me
‘PP’? That would be rude. My initials are P.B.L. for Petra Brettania Longstride
named after my Nan, Brettania May Longstride. You know, the storyteller. NOBODY
calls me ‘PP’ and gets very far around here. Are you calling me, ‘PP’? Or are
you just asking?
Why, just asking, of course, your
highness, er Your Knightly Highness.
All the better for you, I’d
think.
Uh, okay, okay. Snarls, any
nicknames?
No, but some people call Petra . . .
ready for it? . . . Coyote.
Why Coyote? Does she occasionally
howl?
Of course I don’t howl. I’m a knight! Well, I
do have very messy hair–I think that’s why they call me Coyote. What kind of
knight has time for silly nice hair?
~~~~
Princess Petra, this question is for
Snarls. Story Book Times ran a
feature– Excuse me! Who are you?
I am the King’s magician **waving arms around** and I am
here to stop this nonsense!
Someone get this clown out of
here.
Hey, let go of me! Why
I–
Thanks Bograt.
As I was saying. Story Book Times ran a
feature story on the writing of book 2 and mentioned your behavior, specifically
you went missing for long periods of time during the editing phase, causing a
longer release date. What do have to say about this?
Well, I nearly had my foot chopped off by a wayward
axe—that took awhile to heal. Then I had a crocodile to train at my cousin’s
house. After that, Snarls had a bad rash on his backside that he couldn’t reach
and I had to take care of . . .oh, you were asking
Snarls.
Yes , Princess, again, the question is
for Snarls.
Thanks a lot, “PP”. Way to go. Let the world know about
my, umm . . . predicament. Darn nasty, itchy rash had
me floating in the moat for weeks.
rash had
me floating in the moat for weeks.
~~~~
Princess Petra, this question is for you. You have met
many oddball characters on your trips through the forest. Who is your favorite,
least favorite and why?
Now look what you started? You got Snarls calling me
“PP”. Really! I shouldn’t even answer your questions anymore if you’re going to
make trouble. **thinking** I guess I like Prince Nastybun the most
because he danced with me. I don’t like that giant hawk that lives in The Forest
of Doom—that hawk thinks he can just dive-bomb people. And besides, that hawk
hangs out with a bunch of bees. I hate bees.
Thank you, and I am so sorry Snarls has
adopted the nickname PP, your Highness PP.
Are you calling me “PP” and laughing at
me?
I am laughing your magician over there,
waving his hands like he has powers outside the book.
He is my father’s magician, not mine. Knights do not
need magicians.
Snarls, who are your favorites and
why?
I like Bograt. She doesn’t yammer on and on, and she
likes onions, and I like onions. I need onions so I can create my world-famous
onion recipes. You do know that I have a world-famous-onion-chef resume, right?
I don’t much care for King Asterman—he’s kind of uptight, you
know?
So, this King Asterman does not like
any of your onion recipes? Speaking of onion recipes, what is the most common
reaction when others eat your concoctions?
Well, of course, he does, everybody
loves my cooking! I’m a world renowned chef . . . what did you hear about my
concoctions?
Uh, King Asterman, he
said—
King Asterman is a blunder
head!
Hm. Moving on. King Longstride, what
is it like having a daughter who is also a knight? Petra is the first female
knight and the first knight–the only knight–in the
Kingdom?
It’s tough. What can I say? We’ve tried and tried to get
her to behave like a normal princess—nada, nothing, not happening. If this is
what the next generation is going to be like, well, the soldiers will put on
aprons and girls will be fighting evil forces. It’s preposterous! I don’t know
what the world is coming to!
Your Kingship, since the world has
always been run by men, up to this point, and your kingdom is a mess, with
dragons as steeds and all, would it not be worth a try having females run the
things and have the males take over the household?
Little girl, my kingdom is not a mess!
You are a
loony!
I beg your pardon!
It is so
granted!
Huh? I wasn’t asking for forgiveness.
**never again will I interview characters. who’s loony?**
My wife, the Queen, has fainted at your
aside. How dare you!
Sorry?
~~~~
Okay. King Longstride, your Queen is
awake. Now tell us, why all the Royal Rule Book changes? The first in
centuries?
Hello Dear. Feeling better, dear? To
answer your silly question, how else should a king deal with this Princess
Knight fiasco—the first ever?
“Princess fiasco.” Your daughter has
broken through the stone ceiling!
Yah, that’s it. Tell a king how to run
his kingdom, will you? Why, if you ever visit, you’ll be thrown into the
dungeons to think about your silliness for a while.
Good thing I am not in your kingdom
then, which is not real, by the way.
NOT REAL! BLASPHEMY! You know not of
what you say.
Speak.
Do not tell me when to
talk!
No, the phrase is “You know not of what
you SPEAK.”
SPEAK! How dare this creature. Check
the Rule Book on dealing with horrible creatures outside of the kingdom, AT
ONCE!
~~~~
Speaking of your rule book, again, have
you been able to accomplish your goals with these changes and additions to the
book?
Not yet, but the royal magician and the royal councilman
have agreed to put their great minds together and come up with something fast,
or else!
“Or else” sounds drastic. I am
surprised a King of your stature would rely on magicians and politicians to take
care of a problem, let alone a perceived problem about your
princess.
**whispering to royal councilman** Find
out where she lives and bring her to me.
~~~~
So King, you and your wife cannot
handle your daughter and this “troubling” problem (troubling in that there is
really no problem). Petra is a knight. A knight protects the kingdom. Petra is a
princess and will be the next Queen, whose job it is to protect the kingdom.
Where is the problem? The two careers are basically the same.
No problem, you say? **whispering to royal magician**
(whiisss, isssss, whissssy)
Get the magic man off the stage. Nice
try King.
**whispering** (Is she right? No, yes, which is it? What
do you mean she makes sense! You run the, uh, you write the royal rule book. Oh,
my! Then what should I say?)
.Is there
something you would like to say, your Majesty?
No. Yes, there is! *whispering* Yes, I want to say that
Petra is a great Princess, but we do not need any knights in my kingdom. Problem
solved.
Really, your kingdom does not need
protection?
Maybe at night, but Petra’s bedtime is 9 PM. She cannot
patrol the grounds.
.
Daddy! Snarls watches over the kingdom at
night.
.
.
There then! No knights needed. Petra hang up your
costume. No further books are needed. The series is done! This “interview” is
done!
.
.
King Longstride, sir! You do not have
control over the series. You are my character and exist at my leisure.
.
Who is this woman? Why is she telling me what will happen?
King Longstride, she
is your author.
My what?!
Your author. She
writes your story, controls what you do, what you say, and also for everyone
else in and out of your kingdom.
So, she controls you! Don’t faint dear, it will be
alright. Royal Councilman, catch my wife!
Ah, no, only the
characters in her books, like you.
I am no one’s CHARACTER! You shall be fined for such
slander!
~~~~
Send me a bill. Moving on, who
influenced you to make these royal rulebook changes and why did you give in to
her,
uh him?
Why do you presume that my wife can tell me what to do?
I am the king! Who told you such a thing? Did she tell you
that?
I did not mention the Queen. Could
this ghost ruler be Bograt, or the maybe the magician you just whispered to? Who
are you hiding? Another author?
NO! I am the king! I can do what I want! Stop pestering me!
GUARDS!
Let’s ask your wife. Queen Longstride,
how do you feel about your daughter trailblazing for all woman by being the
first knight in any kingdom?
Ohhhhh, I don’t feel so good . .
.
Do you need a doctor? A magician? A
councilman-politician?
I need my daughter to act like a
princess! . . . ohhhhh, everything’s twirling, twirling . .
.
~~~~
Queen Longstride are your fainting
spells due to a real condition or is this your attempt to manipulate
Petra?
PLOP!
She is out like a light, again! And on
my foot. Can someone remove the Queen from my foot?
.
Royal councilman, here, poke her with this
scepter.
Thank you, King
Longstride.
~~~~
Yes, Snarls, I am coming back to you.
How do you feel about the following statements:
1. You are an impatient
dragon.
That’s not true, I am not imp. . .
whatever.
2. You are a gourmet cook who loves to
binge on Mars Bars.
You news hounds, you’re all alike.
Okay, I’ll tell you a story. I went to visit this girl I like—her name is,
Babbling Suzy, and she doesn’t cook. All she had was these Mars Bars things to
eat. Now, through no fault of my own, I am (shhhh) an addict. We don’t have
Mars Bars things here. I’m crawling out of my hide. I NEED THEM.
HELP!
Uh, yes or no would have been okay!
Blaming others for the crack in your character. Is this the real reason the
editing took so long? {Corrected the response, which was fine, since that is how I
talk but you wanted it changed so I changed it. Now please stop threatening to
pull the interview. okay, Ms. picky author?!}
Why NO!
Were the long absences due to your
addiction?
NO!!
Were you on a chocolate binge when the
author was trying to edit the last few pages and needed your
help?
NO!! Okay, okay, okay already! It’s not Babbling Suzy’s
fault! That’s what you want to hear, right?
~~~~
Princess Petra seems to walk next to
you on much of her journeys, rather than ride. Illustrations often prove this.
Hey! Don’t argue, just answer please. And no fire!
Oh My Holy Grail, you are annoying! Okay, I’ll tell you.
It’s kind of embarrassing. Will you keep it
hush-hush?
Sure. *rolling eyes*
It’s that ridiculous rash thing–it’s
all over my backend and backside. I just can’t seem to get rid of it—even with
the royal magician’s special salve. I think I might be allergic-like to the pink-tassel saddle. Considering the
rash is embarrassing enough, just think how I feel about wearing a pink-tasseled
thing?
A rash, you say. And you went to a
magician to help with this rash.
Of course. Where else would the author send
me?
Hm, to a doctor in the dragon world,
your world?
Yes I can, but I’m not going to.
Ha!
Again with the magician! Really, your
powers do not work outside of the book. Didn’t the author explain this to
you?
I’ll get it right sooner or
later.
What spell are you trying to
cast?
I’m testing out a spell where the
villain’s toes fall off. Ha,ha!
And you think I am a
villain?
Who said anything about you? Now that I
know you may be a villain, that spell should come in
handy.
I am simply a book blog hostess, asking
questions of characters in a new book.
What’s a blog hoser, er. . . um . . .
hostess?
You do realize you are just a
character, a figment of your author’s imagination?
The king is right—you are
silly!
~~~~
Sir Princess Petra, please give us a
hint about what is to happen in book 3?
It is about time you called me by my official name. Now,
Father has written new rules, I know he has. On his writing desk, I glimpsed the
words: Mission; Falling-Off Toes; The Kingdom of the Boogy Gobees; and
Carpenters (whatever that is). Who knows what’s up. I’ll be ready.
Ha!
I am sure you will, your Knightly
Highness, I am sure you will. How many more books before your story is
finished?
I’m in a story?
Whoa!
Whoa, indeed! You are a figment of an
author’s imagination (in case you were not reading the last question).
.
**whispering to royal councilman**
What in all the kingdom is she talking about?
~~~~
Thank you for reading this interview. I
want to thank the Pen Pieyu characters for stop– What? Really?
*sigh*
Okay. Okay, Alright! Snarls, here is
your last question. Because of a rock you became the royal
steed.
That’s a statement!
**why did I agree to this** Here is a
question. How did that rock trap your tail in book 1?
Really? Do you have to know everything?
. . . Okay, I’ll tell you. It was my first real fire-blast from my nostrils. And
it was big, I mean, HUGE! Very professional. That is until the blast hit the
rocks above my cave. Darn embarrassing predicament I got into
there.
I’ll say it’s embarrassing. Speaking
of embarrassing, why can you not control your fire?
Well, actually, I was an early
fire-breather—just 3 years old. That could be the reason the fire is not so,
well, refined yet.
An early fire-breathing
dragon?
OH, you wrote the question wrong and so
I misunderstood it.
Really?!
Okay, truth is I was a late-fire breather, according to
the dragon growth chart. My aim in not yet perfected and sometimes when I sneeze
. . . ah-ah-CHOO!
.
Ah, crud! SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE
DEPARTMENT, QUICK!!
~~~~
Well, thank you, I think, for stopping
by! *and ruining the set*
.
What, my dear, did you say?
I said thank you, King Longstride and
company, for stopping by what . . . is . . . left . . . of the
set.
Oh, you are welcome, dear.
Me, too. Sniff-sniff, So sorry. And this was my
first interview.
*And your last.* Hey! Watch the fire,
pal!
Thank you for having us. I apologize for my trusted
steed, Snarls. He really makes a better steed than a dragon. Please read our
newest book in the Adventures of Pen
Pieyu, Book 2: Sir Princess Petra’s (that’s me) Talent.
You can get a copy at Amabiga
, Barbs & Nobility, and
the Castle Gift Shop. Oh, and
probably a few places in your world, too.
, Barbs & Nobility, and
the Castle Gift Shop. Oh, and
probably a few places in your world, too.
ALL ILLUSTRATIONS BY SAMANTHA KICKINGBIRD, the official
illustrator for The Adventures of Pen Pieyu
Series.
To read an excerpt from Book 2 of the
Pen Pieyu Adventures: Sir Princess Petra’s Talent, click HERE!
~~~~
For more information of my dragon books for children:
