Sunday 11 November 2012

Fan Mail To A Dragon

Snarls is a dragon. He is a secondary character in my book one, Sir Princess Petra - The Pen Pieyu Adventures, and subequent books in The Pen Pieyu Adventure series.

Snarls Lotsofpuff Doom

Oh yah, he looks all innocent here, read on. Apparently, my dragon travels, and without my knowlege. This is an anonymous letter I received about some of Snarls's antics.

Dear Author of Snarls,

I love Snarls. But I think you should know some things about your dragon.

When Snarls visits me, he does nothing but agitate my kitties. He throws toys at them, not away from them so they can chase after the toys. Instead they must duck and scramble behind, well, just about anything, they are cats. 

Why does he do this? Is this the way dragons play? Anyway, it's kind of rough!

He also insists on making dinner, something rarely seen here, even when Snarls visits. The fire department likes to show up when Snarls cooks and then we all go out to eat.

Snarls likes to take naps when here. He says the forest you insist he sleep in is too noisy with all the fairies and gnomes and other little people, who always have some shiny bell on them. He would rather sleep here, where he fits in none of the beds, even when placed end-to-end. And, again, the fire department likes to visit when Snarls is asleep, though they wake him up trying to put out the fire his snoring causes.

The fire department is here a lot when Snarls visits and they like to escort him out of the city as well. They must really like that stinker of a dragon. Who wouldn't with his strong smile, steely strength, and saturating stench (burning everything).

Snarls is not here as much as he used to be. He tells me book two keeps him rather busy. He is afraid that when the book is released, he will be much too busy to visit anyone. He is trying to tell me that anytime anyone cracks open book one or book two of the Pen Pieyu Adventures, he must go to work.

Does he really think he works whenever anyone reads one of your books? 

Crazy dragon!

P.S.  I have quite a large sum to pay off to the fire department. Um, could you help with that?

Anonymous Dragon Friend.

Dear Anonymous Dragon Friend,
Thank you for your consideration in informing me about Snarls. He is quite a character, isn’t he? And he does create enough havoc around here too, so don’t feel bad. I possibly could help you will your fire department bill if I knew who you were. Best wishes.
The Author, Diane M. Robinson.

Has anybody else had visits from Snarls? Please let me know.


  1. Dear Author Writer Lady -

    I am miffed. I never thought you would post my letter for all the world to see. How is this going to make Snarls feel? Okay, he will feel great. Attention is attention to him. But what about me? I don't need the entire world knowing I have a dragon friend? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Okay, maybe you don't, but it does.

    Who is that with Snarls in the bottom picture?Some skank character of yours? It is bad enough he hangs with Petra, and now some character named Babelyn wants to talk his ear off any more. Why did you send her with Snarls? Do you really think I need a talker on top of a smoker?

    I like Snarls, I really do, even the fire he puts everywhere is kind of endearing, but that new girl is nothing but talk, talk talk. She tells me all sorts of things about this book three she is in. I haven't even gotten to read book two and I know all about book three. You need to shut that girl up! Seriously. Shut her up.

    Babelyn is a good name but a funny spelling. Snarls thinks her name is Babe lynn not babblin, a more precise spelling. It warns people a head of time she is a talker. Oh, and a whiner. She is whining all night last time they were here about some writer lady not giving her enough to do in this book three she is in.

    If this is you, please give her more or eradicate this , this, um, character. A clean simple character-assassin is all that's needed. Just don't tell Snarls. Tell him she ran away with a writer fellow that promised a book all her own.

  2. In the bottom picture, Snarls is with Petra, his hero knight from book one.

    Babelyn or Babblin has been missing for weeks. I'm so glad she is at your house and not my house.

    I can't believe she is babbling about book three to you. This has to be stopped and you shouldn't be listening. She's probably telling you hogwash anyway.

    Oh, and P.S. I don't send my characters anywhere. They just take off, and so far it appears to be only to your house. I have no control. I hope they at least bring snacks when they visit. And pajamas. Pajamas are a must for any kind of sleepover.

    Good luck and keep in touch.
    The author.

  3. Dear The Author,

    The author is an odd but appropriate name for a writer author like yourself. Babblin said you won some big important writer award that came with a big check, so I sent you a copy of the fire department bill.

    She also said you'd say not to believe anything she said, but not to believe what you said, cause what she said was true. Is that true? Would you tell me the truth? Why is this about some crazy character not even in a book when it was supposed to be about Snarls? Where did he go? Do you often go off topic and never return? What is this about snacks and pajamas? Seriously, that is your concern? Snarls lights fires in his sleep and you want to be sure he had on pj's.

  4. Dear Mr. or Miss or Mrs. Anonymous,

    Okay, this is how it goes. It is true that I would say that whatever Babblin says is not necessarily what I said and that she cannot be trusted to say the appropriate thing. She is full of hot air and puff as far as I am concerned. Won some money? What money? I have no money. I'm an author.

    As far as paying for the fire department bill, would you have me make out the check to Mr. Anonymous at Box # Anonymous in the city of Anonymous? Just asking. Sheesh.

    And yes, one on my most serious concerns it that if my characters are going to go off and visit people for days on end that they bring snack (so as not to be rude) and they bring pj's
    (so as to be proper).

    Snarls is in all of the books--he's a secondary character. Those are pretty important. Book two is being published now and should be release in January, 2013. So that's why I'm writing book three. It takes a long time to write a book you know.

    P.S. I find if you give Snarls a glass of water before bed, he won't snore out fire. And if you feed Babblin some gummy bears before bed, she just drifts right off.

    So again, good luck with all these sleepovers with the characters from my book.

    You do sound a little flaky.
    The author.

  5. Flakey! How rude! Here I thought you were a genteel writer (look it up - ha). Babblin does not visit anymore. I do not like characters, real or made-up, who lie.

    Snarls is most welcome, as long as he stops scaring the kitties. As soon as one of them climbs up his tail, by his invitation, Snarls flips his tail and sends the cat flying through the air. Sure they always land on their feet but I always nearly have a heart attack. I will try the water thing next time he stays over. I got an email from him saying he was quite busy with book two, something about getting the editors to see things his way "or else."

    Please do not send a check for the fire bill to "Mr. Anonymous at Box # Anonymous in the city of Anonymous." That is not my address and I do not even know if such town exists here. Maybe in Canada, which is where Babblin says you live, there is such places as anonymous, nowhere, any place, and forlorn, but not where I live. We pretty much know where we belong. Maybe all that cold weather dulls your senses or something. I will send a heavy scarf with the bill.

    Say hello to Petra for me.I understand she is not happy about waiting such a long time to be out in the world again. Why don't you simply put book two up on Amazon like the other writers do? I hear tell that this is a great way to become a millionaire writer. You might need to add some fifty shades of grey scenes, but it could be a hit. I heard many say that fifty shades didn't even have much of a story, just a lot of hot scenes. Snarls can easily provide those hot scenes. Just a helpful hint.

    Letter to be arriving soon. Do not send payment to anonymous anywhere. Oh, by the way. Your award and the winnings, plus medal, are on the internet. If you did not get the check you better talk to someone. You could get yourself one of those underground fences to keep all the characters on the forest and out of your head. Again, just a thoughtful helping hint.

  6. Oh, yes. It is Miss, nit Ms. or Mr. or Master. Simply Miss. (As in do you miss me?)

  7. Dear Miss Anonymous,

    Poor kitties. Snarls has always wanted a kitty, but if this is how he is going to play, he is not ready.

    How is it he is emailing you? Is he using my computer when I'm at work? That little rat.

    I can't just put book 2 on Amazon. It is against the rules of my contract. I also can't discount my books on Amazon or any other site. Yep, against the contract rules with my publisher.

    Thanks for sending a scarf. I appreciate that, even though you are sending it with your fire department bill.

    Yes, the cold weather in Canada can somewhat dull our senses. This is why Canadians drink beer.

    Your helpful hint about the underground fence might be a good idea, but since the ground is all frozen here, that wouldn't be done until the spring. And I think you would like to see this fence us so these characters will quit visiting you.

    Hah, I'm onto you.

    So again, good luck with Snarls, Petra, and Babblin.

    Yes,I did receive my check for the winnings. I just didn't want you to know because I thought you would send me a bigger bill.

    The author.